Ever wonder why people don’t respond to your emails? No need to wonder any longer. Now you can make sure your emails don’t get answered:
1. Put the person in “Cc” instead of “To”.
2. Make sure to have a misleading subject line with details completely unrelated to your request.
3. Write long emails. People love taking the time to peruse your prose.
4. Do not ask for what you need the person to do.
5. Start with a long-winded explanation using long sentences in a single paragraph. Make sure to bury important details in the middle of that block of text.
6. Never tag the person who you are asking for action
7. Copy as many people as possible in the email thread.
8. Never Bcc anyone to let them off the thread.
9. Send the same email to different people on different email trails to make sure work is duplicated.
10. Never use bullet points.
11. Never leave white space. People enjoy feeling mentally overwhelmed by a solid block of text.
12. Make sure to use words when a picture could serve the same purpose
13. Ramble without suggesting or asking anything.
14. Mark all your emails as urgent, even your trivial ones.
15. Only write emails in the heat of the moment when you are at your most angry or frustrated.
16. Never use headings
17. Never highlight critical points
18. Always forget to send attachments
19. Always put the must critical information in an attachment instead of the body of the email.
20. Never summarise the critical information from the email thread. Expect people to read the thirty previous emails in the thread so they can understand that you are asking.
21. Always change the subject of the email each time you respond. You don’t want all emails on this topic to appear in one conversation in the person’s inbox.