Adrian Spear on anger, stress and managing your mind (#4)

What do you think would happen if you never switched your car engine off? 

Do you think that you might run out of fuel? 

Yet so many of us never turn off, we are always on the go! 

In this episode we talk to Adrian Spear about managing our minds and how this helps us to deal with anger, stress and relationships.   

Adrian shares with us his experience of moving from always wanting to be the best, taking on too much, feeling overwhelmed to now becoming a Mind Manager. 

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or Simplecast

Adrian Spear is a mindfulness trainer and counsellor. Adrian believes that by training the mind you can gain control over your body, emotions and external stressors to enhance performance, relationships, contentment, and ultimately happiness. 

You can connect with Adrian via: 

LinkedIn 

Website 

Phone:  +61 405 391 110 

Email:  adrian@apspear.com 

If this conversation piques your interest we would highly recommend getting in contact with Adrian Spear to learn more. 

Show Notes

1:27 – surfing.
2:46 – mental rehearsal.
4:59 – study on impact of visualisation on strength.
6:18 – What is mindfulness?
7:47 – the benefits of mindfulness.
8:14 – mindfulness = managing the mind.
9:36 – being present is becoming increasingly harder.
10:58 – active and mindful listening.
12:04 – difference between mindful and active listening.
15:35 – how we can train our minds.
20:01 – types of meditation.
21:55 – most important thing about meditation.
24:16 – why do we get angry?
27:08 – when anger is useful.
28:36 – anger can destroy relationships.
30:13 – underlying frustration and displacing anger.
31:17 – anger coping mechanisms.
32:19 – focus on what you can control.
32:55 – not taking offense.
34:13 – feedback vs taking offense.
34:46 – Adrian’s journey with managing anger.
38:39 – aggression to be the best vs relationships.
39:57 – how Adrian started controlling his anger.
44:42 – how to get into meditation.
47:48 – is meditation for everybody?
48:58 – it’s important to switch off to recover.
52:31 – impact of stress on relationships.
56:21 – three gates before you open your mouth to speak.
57:57 – relaxation technique to reduce stress.
01:01:48 – meaning is more important than striving to acquire more.
01:03:53 – thank you.

Key Quotes

“I practice a technique called positive mental rehearsal every morning…seeing and feeling creates a positive charge in the body” 

“Mindfulness means to be present” 

“Mindfulness is not being consumed by the past and worried about the future…training the mind to be present and to use your present moments constructively” 

“I teach people to manage their mind” 

“It’s important to not be listening and waiting for a gap so that you can talk”

“You need to listen to understand what people are saying” 

“Once people feel understood people they feel appreciated, valued and respected” 

“With meditation we are trying to slow down our reactions to what is going on around us…the further you can draw out the gap between the stimulus and response the better your decision making”

“The anger response helps us to fight or to run” 

“Anger is something we don’t handle well in this day and age” 

“The anger response increases performance” 

“Taking anger to extremes, where you explode with anger towards another person is damaging to relationships and destroys communication.” 

“If you have control over it then do something about it, if you don’t have control over then their is no point getting upset about it” 

“Many people lack the technique to stop themselves from reacting negatively emotionally” 

“If everyone had the same opinion and if everyone was the same as me wouldn’t it be a boring life” 

“I was the angriest person ever in my teens and in my twenties” 

“I was so obsessed with winning… I become so obsessed with being the best… I had to win at all cost…if I didn’t win I become angry and hostile” 

“I realised that pushing for perfection at all cost was unattainable” 

“I wasn’t always this “guru” – I was a very angry person” 

“You can train you mind with half an hour today” 

“It’s not about being the best it’s about being better than you used to be” 

“Sport is very powerful for mental health also…exercise releases feel good chemicals in the blood stream and that gives you a lift” 

We can be in the best physical condition possible, but if we are not switching off and reducing stress then the body does not have time to rejuvenate and heal and the first thing that suffers is your immune system” 

“We are loading ourselves up…the stress gets into the relationship…becomes overwhelming…communication breaks down and then the relationships break down” 

“…three gates to pass through: is it truthful, is it kind, is it necessary”

Links to References

Mental rehearsal 

University Study – Mental Rehearsal and Finger Strength Test 

Mindfulness 

Active Listening 

Mindful Listening 

Concentration Technique:  The Blackboard Technique 

Brainwaves measured by an electroencephalogram (EEG) 

Examples of types of meditation: music meditationone-pointed mediationanalytical meditationsolfeggio frequency meditationmantra meditationchakra meditation,  

Pineal Gland 

Limbic system (“emotional brain”) 

Prefrontal cortex (“rational brain”) 

Stimulus 

Sensations Meditation Technique to lengthen the time between stimulus and response. 

The Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems 

Fight-flight-freeze response 

Vipassana in the Blue Mountains – Noble Silence Course: http://www.bhumi.dhamma.org/ and https://bmimc.org.au/

Impact of stress on health 

The impact of the immune system on cancer prevention 

Buddha and the three gates: “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” 

Relaxation Technique: Focus on one body part at a time and relax it. Example: foccus on the face area as you breath in, hold and on exhale say ….RELAAAXX. 

About the author

Divan and Mark are co-hosts of the Candour Communication Podcast where we discuss interpersonal communication and all the human stuff that gets in the way.

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