Steve Nudelberg on the riches of relationships in sales and family (#18)

We all need to influence people every day. 

Persuading colleagues to help with a task or a project. 

Hiring someone. Getting Hired. 

Closing a deal. 

Asking someone on a date. 

Deciding whose parents to visit in the holidays. 

Putting your kids to bed at night. 

This all requires us to influence people. It requires us to sell an idea or to sell ourselves. 

In other words, we are selling something every day. We may as well learn how to do it well. 

Today we talk to Steve Nudelberg about his refreshing approach to sales where it’s all about building relationships.  

 Steve Nudelberg is an author, expert sales trainer, consultant, keynote speaker, and serial entrepreneur. His latest company, On the Ball, invests time and talent in emerging businesses and corporate teams to help them grow. 

Steve’s book, Confessions of a Serial Salesman, shares the 27 core Leadership Rules of Engagement that he has cultivated from over 40 years of sales experience and relationships with top performers all over the world. 

In this episode we discuss ideas from his book and Steve’s experience related to sales, leadership and family. 

We hope you enjoy this energetic conversation with Steve Nudelberg. 

You can connect with Steve on LinkedIn or other social media platforms via his website

You can listen to the episode on Apple, Google, Spotify, Stitcher or Simplecast

Show Notes

2:54 – why should everyone care about sales?
4:06 – Too honest to be in sales?
6:16 – difference between manipulation and influence.
8:05 – who you are is more important than what you do.
9:55 – success at home and at work requires making the right choices.
15:50 – money did not make Steve happy.
18:05 – approach to parenting that led to close relationship with grown up kids.
22:27 – tough love vs nurturing.
25:52 – systemising relationship building.
28:29 – your network is your net worth.
30:31 – words matter: “visit, fit, value”.
34:18 – the perfect visit of a prospect: be more interested than interesting.
39:14 – Too busy to build relationships?
41:04 – dealing with rejection and disappointment.
43:08 – sustaining your energy.
47:00 – positivity vs being open about challenges.
51:02 – board of advisors for your life.
52:47 – finding mentors.
56:40 – connect with Steve.

Links to References 

Confessions of a Serial Salesman: 27 Rules for Influencers and Leaders that will change your life and business by Steve Nudelberg 

The Nudelberg Daily Huddle 

Tell Me Something Good podcast 

Jessie Itzler 

Michael Jordan 


Key Quotes

“Most people when they hear the word selling they are turned off.” 

“Every single phase of your life somebody is selling and something is being sold.” 

“The better you are at communicating who you are and what your value proposition is…” 

“People don’t buy from people they don’t like.” 

“The word sales is a derivative of a Scandinavian words which means to serve.” 

“Who you are is much more important than what you do.” 

“The pillars of strength as a human being are family first.” 

“You have to understand what you are willing to give up, in order to get what you want.” 

“Most people have no idea what they want.” 

“The minute you understand what you want than you can understand the choices you have to make in order to get there.” 

“Guys like Richard Branson who are super successful, he has dinner with his family every night.” 

“Money was not the Elixir for me. Money comes and goes. My “why” was my ability to transfer what I know to other people.” 

“What happens if you climb the corporate ladder just to realise that it is leaning against the wrong building.” 

“When you do what you love the money follows.” 

“Doing what I love, with the people I love, is just magical.” 

“I was not one of those Dads who gave a trophy for everything, I wanted my kids to understand that losing hurts.” 

“My relationship with my boys is very genuine and very real.” 

“Parents won’t allow their kids to be bored, sometimes you have got to just make do on your own.” 

“I was very open, very honest , very transparent.” 

“They always had access to me.” 

“There was no tougher love than that guy, he said every time I break you down, you are going to get up stronger.” 

“He built me into a very strong willed person.” 

“There is sometimes no substitute for being the bad guy, you can’t be everybody’s best friends.” 

“The trick is to have everyone respect you and not everybody love you.” 

“My system is to build quality relationships at scale.” 

“People know when you agenda is to sell them, they can feel it. If you systemise the work I’m going to do today is to build 5 new relationships”. 

“When you pitch, people ditch.” 

“The only difference between contacts and contracts is the R which is relationships.” 

“Appointments are with doctors or a dentist. Meetings: there are too many already. So I said to my teams let’s just visit with people.” 

“What is your story?…tell me more…” 

“Sales people tend to make it all about themselves, the more you make it about them it is much easier….just connect to their story and the riches are amazing.” 

“If you spend the right amount of time listening you learn so much, for me it is an information grab.” 

“Sales is a people business.” 

“Did I develop 5 new relationship that I can be proud of?” 

“If you are going to be in Sales, you need to build a toolbox of things that are going to protect you against the negativity….reading the right stuff, eating  the right stuff, having the right people around you.” 

“I think success leaves clues, I follow people who leave clues behind…Michael Jordan talks about being in the zone, but you can’t be in the zone all of the time…..Michael Jordan when the lights went on showed up as a 10 all of the time”. 

“When Popeye had fear and doubt, all he did was pop a can of spinach and he was full of energy and muscle. For me, it was figuring out what my spinach was.” 

“I will never do a talk or podcast without listening to music beforehand.” 

“We show up as 10 all of the time, that is where the magic is.” 

“I find fake it until you make it to be the worst advice ever.” 

“There is plenty of time to deal with your emotions, the time is not in front of other people.” 

“The take away from all of this is about mindset… the greats look at what is possible and not what is not possible.” 

“I am the CEO of my own life and I have a board of directors that I meet with…they give direction…they help me get through life…mentorship is huge.” 

About the author

Divan and Mark are co-hosts of the Candour Communication Podcast where we discuss interpersonal communication and all the human stuff that gets in the way.