Grant Herbert on the foundation of emotional intelligence, being yourself and training mini-me’s (#1)

In this episode we talk to Grant Herbert about social and emotional intelligence. We discuss how authenticity, limiting beliefs and self-talk are the foundation for emotional intelligence and better interpersonal communication.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or Simplecast.

Grant Herbert is the Founder and Global Managing Partner at People Builders. Grant describes himself as an ordinary guy, with an outstanding wife and 5 amazing kids, who has a passion to help people escape the performance trap, regain their authenticity, and enjoy being who they were created to be in every area of their life. Recently named Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year, Grant combines his expertise in Social and Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology and Applied Neuroscience, with his practical experience from his defence, corporate and business careers, to bring out the best in individuals, leaders and teams. A multi-award winning leader in his field, he now trains and mentors many other coaches, trainers, speakers, and HR professionals to expand their message across the globe.

You can connect with Grant on LinkedIn, Facebook , Twitter or through his websites and

If this conversation piques your interest we would highly recommend checking out Grant’s podcast, The People Builder, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, CastBox, PodBean or YouTube. You can also register for Grant’s free emotional intelligence online summit on 28-29 October 2020.

Show Notes

1:55 – the importance of family.
5:51 – being yourself.
7:35 – putting on a show to live up to expectations.
9:38 – the performance trap.
15:24 – approval vs feedback.
22:16 – limiting beliefs.
29:33 – universal fears.
32:33 – does belief or action come first?
35:17 – training your mini-me.
41:36 – what is emotional intelligence?
43:47 – managing our response from logic rather than emotion.
46:10 – how social and emotional intelligence helps.
50:48 – putting baby in the corner.
51:55 – how can I learn more about emotional intelligence?
55:14 – free emotional intelligence online summit.
56:20 – listen through your story.
58:13 – thank you.

Key Quotes

“Being yourself is the easiest gig to navigate.”

“Whether or not we get that approval: it then erodes or builds our identity.”

“It’s not that I don’t care what other people are saying. It’s only part of the feedback. It’s not going to define who I think I am.”

“It’s not what happens to us, it’s what we make it mean.”

“That was the belief. That was the limiting belief: that I was not good enough”

“There’s three universal fears… the first one is the fear of not being enough… the second one is the fear of not belonging and the third one is the fear of not being loved.”

“Because we’ve taught our mini-me those beliefs it shows that they’e teachable.”

“Social and emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of your own emotions and the emotions of others in the moment. Then to use that information to manage yourself and manage your relationships.”

“The way to [look at it from a logical perspective] is to start asking ourselves ‘what’ questions rather than ‘why’ questions”

Links to References

Mark’s Father’s day card 

Austin Powers 

Mini-Me  played by Verne Troyer 

“Bruce Banner to Incredible Hulk” played by Eric Bana in Hulk (2003) 

Free emotional intelligence online summit on 28-29 October 2020 

The People Builder Podcast 

About the author

Divan and Mark are co-hosts of the Candour Communication Podcast where we discuss interpersonal communication and all the human stuff that gets in the way.